I am the broken...

There have been many times in my life I have felt like a failure.  More times than not, it's because I've failed at something.  

I am troubled because of a current failure in my life.  I'm not hopeless or without peace, just troubled.  About a month ago the drummer for the band I was in ("I've Died Daily") quit the band.  In my opinion, this was the pull of the string that eventually unraveled the entire work. 

The Bible tells us, "those who have ears to hear, let them hear."  I was not one of the "them."  I had ears full of gauze and a head full of ideas which didn't mesh with the rest of the band.  For that reason I have (respectfully & lovingly) stepped away from "I've Died Daily."

There have been many folks who have been loving and encouraging, attempting to convince me this was not my fault.  I am eternally grateful for the outpouring of love and consideration but, truth be told, in a very major way, it is my fault.  I failed to hear what my brothers were saying, and by not listening, I was telling them I didn't love them.  

I understand this because of the many years of experiencing this with friends and my wife.  I have struggled when listening to them even when they were speaking plain as day.  I've also experienced the frustration of making what I thought was a clear point only to be questioned on it again and again.  That's exactly what I was doing.

So, why am I sharing this? 

God is sovereign; that's why.  

My goal in life is to serve and glorify Jesus.   I know I fail at this, and that's why I prayed for brokenness four days before our drummer quit.  I never anticipated my prayers for brokenness being answered in such a way, but God knows best.  I know there were struggles we were facing as a band, but my ambition and passion kept me deaf and dumb.  I love my brothers from IDD tremendously and tried to express that, but finally I understood we were not all united. Effective ministry can only happen when we are all on the same page.

I am now broken and troubled, but I know Jesus is with me.  He has forgiven me and I know He isn't done with me yet.  Does this mean I will sing for another band?  I dunno; it's in God's hands.  For now I am taking a break from music to properly mourn IDD and spend some more time with Jesus, family and friends.

2 Corinthians 4:17

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

God bless and keep the faith!

Chris

P.S.  Trials and tribulation build character... I willingly pray for brokenness because I want to be the man the Lord desires, not the man I think He wants me to be.